"Hey everybody, have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and BROWN! If you ever need a quick, pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth!"
---
(Watches a huge elephant mount a pot-bellied pig and have sex with it)
"Hmm, now I know how all those WHITE women felt..."
CHEF (Jerome McElroy)
Role: Major Supporting Character, Advice-Giver
PL 4 (57)
STRENGTH 2
STAMINA 3
AGILITY 0
FIGHTING 4
DEXTERITY 0
INTELLIGENCE 1
AWARENESS 4
PRESENCE 4
Skills:
Deception 2 (+6, +11 Attractive)
Expertise (Music) 10 (+11)
Expertise (Chef) 4 (+5)
Insight 2 (+6)
Perception 2 (+6)
Persuasion 2 (+6, +11 Attractive)
Advantages:
Attractive 2, Benefit 1 (Friends in the Music Industry)
Powers:
"Black Physiology" Enhanced Skills 4: Expertise (Guitar) 4 (+4) (Flaws: Limited to Bass) [1]
Offense:
Unarmed +4 (+2 Damage, DC 17)
Initiative +0
Defenses:
Dodge +5 (DC 15), Parry +4 (DC 14), Toughness +3, Fortitude +3, Will +5
Complications:
Addiction (Makin' Love)
Relationship (The Children)- Chef gives solid life advice to Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny. Unfortunately, he often puncuates it with very inappropriate songs about intercourse.
Involuntary Transformation (Laughing at Tyler Perry)- Black people cannot help themselves but laugh at the stupid antics of Tyler Perry ("HELL-ERRRRRR!!!!"). They find this tremendously embarrassing.
Total: Abilities: 36 / Skills: 22--11 / Advantages: 3 / Powers: 1 / Defenses: 6 (57)
-One of the easiest ways to tell you're watching an "Old
South Park" is to spot Chef in a prominent role. Initially, he was the most important character after the Big Four, being played by Isaac Hayes as a "Magical Negro" who gave homespun advice... but it was subsersive because he was also singing hilariously-inappropriate songs about his "chocolate salty balls" or "Makin' love". Pretty much every episode had a gag like that. Chef also had a running gag where he was a huge man-whore who'd sleep with tons of women, including Kathie-Lee Gifford ("DAMN, woman! I just GAVE you sweet loving five minutes ago! Are you tryin' to kill me?!"). And once he whored himself out literally, sleeping with Kyle's mom. There are some HILARIOUS Chef moments, like when the boys confess that their "seamen" are in their dead teacher's stomach, leading to him dumping them (and the couch upon which they are sitting) out of his house, then arriving later with maps and new identities for the boys, assuming the worst. Or the time in the movie where the army set up "Operation Human Shield" with only black soldiers, and Chef promptly has them duck the incoming salvo, getting white soldiers killed instead.
-As time went on, Chef became less and less prominent- big episodes where the boys would invite his celebrity friends to perform a concert for his benefit (the amazing
Chef Aid album still has songs I listen to), or save him from marrying a Succubus, gave way to him just playing bit parts. Finally, after the episode in which the show tore into Scientology, calling it a scam and a fake religion, Hayes (a Scientologist) left the series. Stone & Parker were disgusted ("We never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.", they pointed out), but almost sympathetic in a way- blaming his religion (and the possibility that its bosses were pressuring him to step down- the episode was HUGE in Hollywood at this time, with Tom Cruise reportedly threatening Paramount to get it taken off the air). It would later be learned that his "statement" to the press was done by someone who wasn't authorized to represent him, and he later defended the show's humor in interviews. A series of health problems hampered him during this time, rendering his judgment questionable.
-This situation led to Chef joining the Super Adventure Club, which brainwashed him (in a parody of the Scientology episode's scams) into becoming a child molester. He is eventually killed, with the boys confessing that they don't blame HIM- they blame the Club for messing with his mind. A pretty clear parable to the real-life situation behind Hayes' departure. Sadly, there would be no happy ending- Hayes died only months later, leaving Chef a disappeared character who has never returned (despite his Darth Vader-like resurrection at episode's end). He spent nine years on the show, but now has been off for longer than he was on- he only reappeared in
The Stick of Truth as a Boss.