Jab’s Builds! (Whomp 'Em! Plumbers Don't Wear Ties! ToeJam & Earl!)

Where in all of your character write ups will go.
Jabroniville
Posts: 24793
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Barry & Katya

Post by Jabroniville »

Image

BARRY DYLAN
Played by:
Dave Willis
Role: Archer’s Arch-Nemesis, Evil Cyborg
Group Affiliations: ODIN, The KGB
PL 10 (170)
STRENGTH
7 STAMINA -- AGILITY 5
FIGHTING 10 DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 2 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 3

Skills:
Athletics 7 (+14)
Deception 4 (+7)
Expertise (Secret Agent) 8 (+10)
Insight 2 (+5)
Intimidation 4 (+7)
Perception 2 (+5)
Technology 3 (+5)

Advantages:
Benefit 2 (Secret Agent), Chokehold, Close Attack 2, Equipment 3 (Spy Gear, Pistol +5), Fast Grab, Improved Aim, Improved Critical (Unarmed) 2, Improved Critical (Guns), Improved Hold, Ranged Attack 4, Startle, Ultimate Toughness Check

Powers:
Speed 4 (30 mph) [4]
Leaping 2 (30 feet) [2]
Immunity 30 (Fortitude Effects) [30]
Protection 10 (Extras: Impervious 9) [19]
Senses 1 (Infravision) [1]

Offense:
Unarmed +12 (+7 Damage, DC 22)
Initiative +5

Defenses:
Dodge +10 (DC 20), Parry +10 (DC 20), Toughness +10, Fortitude --, Will +5

Complications:
Enemy (Sterling Archer)- Barry was horribly injured twice while ostensibly being HELPED by Archer, and has thus grown a deep-seated hatred for the man. Also Archer once sodmized his fiancee, but in his defense, “she was the Pele of anal”.
Responsibility (Sociopath)- Barry seems to have grown more psychotic with each month spent as a cyborg.
Relationship (Katya Kazanova)- The two hooked up because they were both cyborgs, and were the only beings who could understand each other.

Total: Abilities: 72 / Skills: 30--15 / Advantages: 20 / Powers: 56 / Defenses: 7 (170)

-Ya know, I was never really that taken by Barry as a character. He was initially just an agent at a rival spy agency (ODIN) who was yet another innocent in Archer’s war against decency- he seemed undeserving of being dropped off of TWO buildings (though really, Barry DID wreck Archer’s suit while saving his life) and having Archer nail his fiancee. But the bad things kept piling up, and he was soon being shown as a vicious cyborg who enjoyed killing people, and engaged in a personal war against Archer that included killing his possible-father, taking over the KGB, and killing his fiancee (whom he later bedded upon her resurrection as a fellow cyborg). But he’s really... just not that funny. Everyone else gets great one-liners, but Barry comes across as just evil and not FUNNY evil, because ARCHER is already “Funny Evil”. He comes up a few times to vex Archer, usually taking a severe amount of damage- it's also a bit clear that Katya has him REALLY scared and REALLY whipped.

-Barry is nigh-invincible in the Archer-verse, being strong as hell, tough as hell (nearly-immune to both bullets & punches, which are the highest-end stuff most characters get to use in the series), and REALLY fast, which makes him one of the best fighters in the series. He’s basically overwhelmingly more powerful than everyone else, and fits more of a super-heroic campaign than a Spy campaign.

Image

KATYA KAZANOVA
Played by:
Ona Grauer
Role: Sexy Cyborg, Russian Fanservice
Group Affiliations: The KGB
PL 10 (173)
STRENGTH
7 STAMINA -- AGILITY 5
FIGHTING 10 DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 2 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 3

Skills:
Athletics 7 (+14)
Deception 4 (+7)
Expertise (Secret Agent) 8 (+10)
Insight 2 (+5)
Intimidation 4 (+7)
Perception 2 (+5)
Technology 3 (+5)

Advantages:
Attractive, Benefit 4 (Head of the KGB), Close Attack 2, Equipment 3 (Spy Gear, Pistol +5), Fast Grab, Improved Aim, Improved Critical (Unarmed) 2, Improved Critical (Guns), Improved Hold, Ranged Attack 4, Ultimate Toughness Check

Powers:
Speed 4 (30 mph) [4]
Leaping 2 (30 feet) [2]
Immunity 30 (Fortitude Effects) [30]
Protection 10 (Extras: Impervious 9) [19]
Senses 1 (Infravision) [1]

Offense:
Unarmed +12 (+7 Damage, DC 22)
Initiative +5

Defenses:
Dodge +10 (DC 20), Parry +10 (DC 20), Toughness +10, Fortitude --, Will +5

Complications:
Relationship (Sterling Archer)- Katya fell in love with Archer during her training for the KGB, and nearly married him when she defected to the United States to be with him. They got back together when she returned as a cyborg, but she soon left him for Barry after she grew uncomfortable with being a cyborg.
Relationship (Barry Dylan)- The two hooked up because they were both cyborgs, and were the only beings who could understand each other.

Total: Abilities: 72 / Skills: 30--15 / Advantages: 21 / Powers: 56 / Defenses: 9 (173)

-Katya was designed to be the Anti-Lana Kane, a white-wearing white girl who is more loyal and soft-spoken. She’s also a play on the old Bond movie girls, being a Sexy Russian Spy willing to hook up with the hero and defect for love. She is killed by Barry upon her return to the U.S., but is resurrected Barry-style as a cyborg. She hooks back up with Archer (who enjoys her new body greatly- “and yes it vibrates”- but is mortified to discover a certain part being washed in the sink), but soon leaves him for Barry- the only other person who understands what it’s like to be a cyborg. Eventually however, she manipulates everybody into placing her as the head of the KGB, putting Barry in a servile position.

-Katya is basically just like Barry in physical stats, differing only slightly. She's attractive and a bit more personable.
Jabroniville
Posts: 24793
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Jabroniville »

Hm, doing the list for the "Marvel Index: The Letter S" set has made me consider and reconsider some things.

I didn't want to just spam out all my old builds on here, because that kind of ruins the fun of people commenting about characters, and going back & forth on stuff. Nobody's gonna comment on a build that's buried in the middle of 40 other builds. Part of my "Index" set was meant to not only get all the builds on one thread (that'll take a bit longer now :)), but to also re-post some older stuff with some new insights or changes, and perhaps get people talking about the characters again. And since I felt it neat to get all the guys for each letter in at once, I had a bunch of disparate names.

HOWEVER... I'm noticing that a large chunk of names (especially in "S") are coming from the X-Men's Students and the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. And there's a LOT of those left with the upcoming builds, too. And since those are 99% filler characters, I figure I'll break the "No Spamming" rule for these two groups, and post them up mostly at once- I don't feel like putting Solar Wind, SeGa, Silicon, Stuff, Sprite II, Specter, Scintilla, Smasher, Starbolt & Slick all in one set as "fake updates" when I'm not gonna do a lick of work on them, and that goes for the large number of guys under "M" as well. So tomorrow, I'll probably just spam out the Imperial Guard to have them in one place and not taking up so many spots in these "Index" sets.

Though as the Guard was posted in 2012, it's actually been more than FOUR YEARS since I statted them up. Which sounds... kind of weird, really. I had no idea it was that long.

Similarly, we have some guys under other settings that I kind of want to post all at once, rather than splitting up for the "Index" series. Marvel's Gods, for example- that would be fun to revisit. And I posted Alpha Flight's builds in *2011*- it's a solid time to look into that one once more.

So right now, the "Posting Order" is gonna be:
* Archer Builds (finishing these up tomorrow)
* The Shi'ar Imperial Guard (like 30 guys in one day :))
* Marvel- The Letter "S" (about 25 days' worth of guys, give or take a couple)
* Alpha Flight
* The Derangers & Omega Flight (some Alpha Flight foes)
* The Hulk- Friends & Foes (I've had this one on the docket for like TWO YEARS- it's time to finally get to it. I think Skaar & Hiro are the biggest characters from Marvel that I've never statted)
* The Young X-Men/X-Students (spamming out in one day, probably)

After that, I'll have to come up with something. I might switch up some of the order, too, depending on what I feel like doing. We'll see :).

In other words, this thread will be busy for quite some time. Hell, if I devoted myself to JUST re-posting, I'd be busy as hell for months. But I still wanna post up the rest of the "Letters of the Marvel Alphabet" and a handful of bigger names.
Jabroniville
Posts: 24793
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Burt Freakin' Reynolds

Post by Jabroniville »

Image

Burt: "That’s not your car, is it?" 
Archer: "Yeah- why?" 
Burt: "Nothing. I just didn’t know they sold those to men."


BURT REYNOLDS
Played by:
Burt Reynolds
Role: The Ultimate Male, Celebrity Cameo, Smug Awesome Guy
Group Affiliations: The Screen Actors' Guild
PL 8 (106)
STRENGTH
3 STAMINA 4 AGILITY 4
FIGHTING 10 DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 2 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 5

Skills:
Athletics 5 (+8)
Close Combat (Unarmed) 2 (+12)
Deception 2 (+7, +12 Attractive)
Expertise (Actor) 8 (+13)
Expertise (Pop Culture) 5 (+7)
Insight 5 (+8)
Intimidation 2 (+7)
Perception 2 (+5)
Persuasion 5 (+15 Attractive)
Vehicles 10 (+16)

Advantages:
Attractive 2, Benefit 1 (Fame), Chokehold, Fast Grab, Grab Finesse, Improved Aim, Improved Critical (Unarmed) 2, Improved Hold, Improved Trip, Luck, Ranged Attack 4, Ultimate Driving Skill

Offense:
Unarmed +12 (+3 Damage, DC 18)
Initiative +4

Defenses:
Dodge +10 (DC 20), Parry +10 (DC 20), Toughness +4, Fortitude +6, Will +9

Complications:
Relationship (Malory Archer)- Burt has hooked up with Malory, though he apparently tries to keep it on the “Down-Low”. Apparently they split up, because she turned up married eventually.
Responsibility (The Greatest Man in the Universe)- It can be difficult being so awesome, but Burt wouldn’t let you know it.
Rivalry (Sterling Archer)- Malory’s son is disgusted by the idea of his man-crush putting the bone to his mother, and tries to force them to break up.

Total: Abilities: 74 / Skills: 46--23 / Advantages: 17 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 12 (106)

-The Burt Reynolds episode was one of the best episodes of Archer- Burt plays himself as basically the supremely most suave, confident, awesome man in history, who starts off proving himself as better than Archer at everything (“I almost hit you!” “heh-heh-heh-heh... no you didn’t.”), hooking up with his MOM (sending Archer, who worships Burt, into a downward spiral mentally and emotionally). Archer tries to split them up by kidnapping Burt and sending a false message to Malory, but soon has to rescue everyone from gangsters, disgusting Burt with his wussy car and driving. Forcing Archer to let him take the wheel, he proves to be EVEN BETTER than any stunt driver, rolling the car up onto the wheels of one side to get down a narrow alleyway and getting halfway across the city in an impossible amount of time.

-Burt is basically every Archer character, plus a bunch. He’s so elite that he EASILY dropped Archer in a painful armbar when Sterling tried to deck him, he’s a God amongst drivers, and he’s both attractive enough to earn the status of Archer’s man-crush AND draw the eye of every female (and one male) in the office. He’s basically all of James Bond’s skill in the body of a sly, calm actor. I have no idea how good a shot he is, but I’m assuming he’d be great at it, because he’s BURT FREAKING REYNOLDS!!
Last edited by Jabroniville on Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
Jabroniville
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Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Veronica Deane

Post by Jabroniville »

Image
Image

VERONICA DEANE
Played by:
Mary McDonald-Lewis
Role: Ungodly Attractive Woman, Sociopathic Manipulator
Group Affiliations: None
PL 0 (25), PL 2 (25) Defenses
STRENGTH
-1 STAMINA 0 AGILITY 0
FIGHTING 0 DEXTERITY 0
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 3

Skills:
Deception 7 (+10, +15 Attractive)
Expertise (Acting) 2 (+5)
Insight 2 (+5)
Persuasion 5 (+8, +13 Attractive)

Advantages:
Attractive 2, Benefit (Fame- "My GOD- that DRESS?"- Men automatically start off friendly with her), Ranged Attack 4

Offense:
Unarmed +0 (-Damage, DC 14)
Initiative +0

Defenses:
Dodge +0 (DC 10), Parry +0 (DC 10), Toughness +0, Fortitude +0, Will +3

Complications:
Disabled (Insane)- It's hard to notice, but Veronica is QUITE nuts.
Motivation (Money)- Veronica is flat broke.

Total: Abilities: 10 / Skills: 16--8 / Advantages: 7 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 0 (25)

-Veronica Deane is the ungodly sexy woman who appears in the most recent season of Archer, doing a "Poor Me" thing and hiring the Figgis Agency to help her out against a blackmailer. Despite being well into her forties (possibly even FIFTIES), she effortlessly turns every man around her into a drooling nincompoop so ready to die for her that they lose all common sense- so much so that it isn't until the end that we figure out that she's quite possibly COMPLETELY INSANE. But still, Archer is so attracted to her that he jumps into bed as soon as his girlfriend Lana declares the pair "on a break".

-There's only one reason I'm statting up Veronica Deane (well, one reason aside from the OH MY GOD SUCH A HOT OLDER WOMAN thing). That scene? In her first focus episode, where she introduces herself to the group properly? You notice how she walks in, the men immediately get struck stupid by her, and between her "oh, woe is me" act and her sultry Southern accent, they're pretty much all ready to jump in front of a bullet for her? And while the men are White Knighting her HARD, Lana and the other women are disgusted ("what, did she just walk in here and spray down EVERYTHING with female hormones?")? That bit? THAT IS WHY SOME CHARACTERS HAVE ATTRACTIVE AND SOME CHARACTERS DON'T.

-If there's one thing that I began to find really tiresome, it was the "I think Character X should have Attractive, because I have an issue where Character Y says they are pretty." THAT IS NOT WHAT THE ADVANTAGE MEANS. "Attractive" has a STATISTICAL EFFECT. It means you are better with people who might be sexually attracted to you (ie. if you are attracted to women, then Woman X will have the Attractive Advantage work in her favor when she is dealing with you). More to the point, it means you are better at DECEPTION and PERSUASION, both of which can be used to make people do what you want them to, or at least make them more agreeable to you. Moreover, it means you are better with one sex than another. That bit where Lana and the others are a bit hostile and annoyed by her? THAT MEANS THE "ATTRACTIVE" DOESN'T WORK ON THEM. And when she gets the Figgis Agency men (minus Ray) to immediately do whatever they can to help her, control her Agent, and even fool the police detectives sent to investigate the goings on surrounding her? That's how you know "Attractive" is working.

-I think disagreements over the "Attractive" thing led to me acting a little more rudely than necessary to a couple of posters. I know one newbie to my thread was horrified when I produced a giant, multi-paragraph lecture when he pulled the "Shouldn't _____ Have Attractive?" question (a regular reader even did a "3... 2... 1..." countdown when they made it).
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HalloweenJack
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Re: Duchess

Post by HalloweenJack »

Jabroniville wrote:Image

Sterling Archer: [shouting] Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin' face!

(Krenmensky is holding Malory- Archer's mother- hostage at gunpoint. Archer then grabs Lana- who is on HIS side- and holds HER hostage)
Sterling Archer: Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff, Kremensky.
Krenshaw: How is this a Mexican standoff?
Agent Lana Kane: Dumbass.
Krenshaw: I don't care if you shoot her.
Cyril Figgis: *I* do!
Krenshaw: But what if I shoot HER, mama's boy?
Malory Archer: Sterling.
Krenshaw: Yes, picture her dead in the gutter...
Malory Archer: Sterling!
Krenshaw: ...and what your pathetic life will be like without old mommy dearest.
Agent Lana Kane: Jesus CHRIST!
Malory Archer: What?
Cyril Figgis: What is it?
Agent Lana Kane: HE'S GOT an ERECTION!
Malory Archer: WHAT?
Krenshaw: What the hell is WRONG with you people?
[pushes Malory away, and gets shot]
Sterling Archer: Nothing. You on the other hand-
[Malory hits him with her purse]
Sterling Archer: ow! OW!
Malory Archer: An ERECTION?
Sterling Archer: HEY! What's in there - Buckles?
Malory Archer: The thought of me dead give you an ERECTION?
Sterling Archer: No, just half of one. The other half would have really missed you. I mean, not... ugh.
[Malory sighs]


ARCHER (Sterling Malory Archer, aka "Duchess")
Played by:
H. Jon Benjamin
Role: Secret Agent, Man-Whore, Hedonistic Asshole
Group Affiliations: ISIS
PL 8 (106)
STRENGTH
2 STAMINA 4 AGILITY 5
FIGHTING 8 DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS 0 PRESENCE 2

Skills:
Athletics 6 (+8)
Deception 4 (+6)
Expertise (Secret Agent) 10 (+10)
Expertise (Pop Culture) 5 (+5)
Insight 2 (+2)
Intimidation 2 (+4)
Investigation 6 (+6)
Perception 6 (+6)
Persuasion 1 (+3)
Stealth 2 (+7)
Technology 3 (+3)
Vehicles 1 (+7)

Advantages:
Benefit 2 (Secret Agent Clearance), Chokehold, Equipment 3 (Spy Gear), Fast Grab, Grab Finesse, Improved Aim, Improved Critical 2 (Unarmed, Guns), Improved Trip, Luck, Quick Draw, Ranged Attack 4

Equipment:
"Pistol" Blast 5 (10)
Assorted Gear (Varies By Mission) (5)

Offense:
Unarmed +8 (+2 Damage, DC 17)
Pistol +10 (+5 Ranged Damage, DC 20)
Initiative +5

Defenses:
Dodge +8 (DC 18), Parry +8 (DC 18), Toughness +4, Fortitude +6, Will +5

Complications:
Addiction (Poon)- Archer pretty much hits on every girl he sees, without fail. He chases after hookers (or "Call Girls" as he calls them. Unless they're dead, and then they're just "hookers" again), clients, co-workers, and more. He only draws the line at under-age girls ("but seriously- call me the MINUTE you turn eighteen").
Addiction (Alcohol)- Archer is almost constantly-drunk when he's at home, at any place with a bar, or when he's stressed-out- even when he's supposed to be on an important mission!
Addiction (Pam)- Archer bangs Pam while drunk one night, and proclaims it to be the "best sex I've EVER had!" without realising it's her. Because Pam is overweight and a loser, he tries to keep it on the "down-low", but can't withhold his desire for sweet, sweaty, ball-slapping intercourse.
---
Relationship (Mother)- Sterling chafes under the watchful eye of his vicious, distant, domineering mother (and boss) Malory. She was not present during most of his childhood, sending him to boarding schoosl and changing her address without telling him (and when she WAS there, it was to give him harsh life lessons that involved stealing his birthday presents). While he makes fun of her more than anyone else in the office, and openly disrespects her (and disobeys orders), he is disgusted at the thought of her having sex with anyone, and mentions of her whoring around will drive him to vomit and/or pass out (he was mortified both when he had to touch her giant vibrator to turn it off, and agin when he realized that THERE WAS NO SINK IN THAT ROOM). He once got an erection at the thought of her being killed, and his been known to shout her name during sex. There is only the MEREST glimmer here and there that he actually cares for his mother as a person.
Relationship (Lana Kane)- The two were lovers for years, but Archer's constant whoring drove a wedge between them. They are still attracted to each other, but disgust each other with various traits, and argue constantly. The sexual tension is ridiculously clear to everyone around them, though Archer exaggerates it, assuming that Lana is still "in the Danger Zone".
Relationship (Burt Reynolds)- Archer has a severe man-crush on Burt Reynolds. This is tested when he starts banging Archer's mother.
Relationship (Katya Kasanova)- The sexy Russian superspy & Archer fell in love quickly, and when Barry killed her, he went into a downward spiral (involving whores and becoming a Pirate King). When she returned as a cyborg and then hooked up with Barry, Archer was despondent.
Rivalry (Cyril Figgis)- Archer despises the wussy accountant who hooked up with Lana after he did. He frequently plays cruel pranks on Cyril, and physically abuses him frequently.
Enemy (Barry Dylan)- Barry has been injured many times as a result of Archer's dickishness, and it only got worse when Archer sodomized Barry's fiancee. As a result, Barry has grown into a sociopath obsessed with hurting Archer.
---
Responsibility (Animal Lover)- Despite caring VERY little for the injuries of anyone else around him (particularly crippled Ray), Archer is horrified whenever animals are hurt. He obsesses over Cheryl's pet Ocelot Baboo, and was so morfified at a villain killing a captive Tiger that he almost refused to have sex with Lana over it (she wasn't offering, but he THOUGHT she was).
Responsibility (Possible Sociopath)- Archer seems vaguely aware of how his attitude affects other people, but just doesn't seem to care. He expects everyone to do all of his work for him, and treats everyone like garbage (ESPECIALLY Woodhouse, his manservant, despite the man having raised Sterling).
Responsibility (Ego)- Archer is convinced of his own awesomeness, which often leads him into traps.
Responsibility (Father Figure)- Archer does not know who his father is (there are a few possible suspects thanks to his mom...), and often obsesses over it. When one of the possibilities was killed because of Archer's alcoholism & sex obsession, he felt horrible.
Responsibility (Voicemail Pranks)- Archer ALWAYS has a prank voicemail, often pretending to have a conversation with the caller, only to reveal (after a long pause) that this is just the request to leave a message. This annoys the crap out of everyone he knows, but he loves it.
---
Disabled (Tinnitus)- Archer has an ear disorder caused by numerous instances of being next to small arms fire and grenades going off. He nearly always hears a ringing (often mistaking it for his phone going off), and needs a special device to help him sleep.
Phobia (Crocodiles)- Archer fears them ever since a mysterious (possibly father) figure gave him a surprise birthday party with a stuffed crocodile.

Total: Abilities: 54 / Skills: 48--24 / Advantages: 18 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 10 (106)

-Archer (codenamed "Duchess" after his mother's beloved Afghan Hound- "She REALLY loved that dog.") is the hard-drinking, whoring main character of the show, pretty much a slave to his hedonistic desires and only the most basic attention to his job. Despite this (I mean, he's gotten countless Double Agents killed by calling them while they're undercover just to talk about how hard he partied), he's considered the most dangerous secret agent in the world. Series creator Adam Reed has stated that the goal with Archer was to "make him as dickish as possible, while also keeping him somewhat sympathetic."

-Truth be told, this kind of "Sociopathic Asshole" character archtype has gotten a bit tired over the years, as constant TV shows have ripped it off so they could be more like Peter Griffin. Oftentimes, it seems like they write this way so that the nerdy, picked-on writers can live vicariously through someone who can do whatever they want and not worry about the consequences (shows like South Park do this right, because Cartman almost ALWAYS suffers in the end). The worst case of this I can think of is American Dad, where I can't deal with the Roger character, who is not only constantly annoying with that horrible voice, but a giant monster who pretty much NEVER gets his comeuppance in the episodes I've seen. But in Archer's case, I can easily forgive it. Not only does everyone in his life actively despise and insult him, but he's constantly being injured due to his own stupidity, and every OTHER character is also a terrible person.

-H. Jon Benjamin is FANTASTIC in this role. I first discovered him on Home Movies, playing the similarly-deadpan/jerkassish Coach McGuirk, who spent most of his time giving horrible advice to young children. The scene where he screams at Melissa for offering him useless advice on curing his insomnia, or the time he got stuck in his car during Bye Bye Greasy is pants-pissingly hilarious stuff. He's also shown up in The Venture Brothers, Bob's Burgers and a few other shows. I LOVE this guy's voice- much like Mike Judge, he knows exactly how to say a line to get maximum hilarity out of it.

-Archer is a PL 7.5 on offense with firearms (if using an Automatic Weapon, a rare occurence, he can hit PL 8), but is only PL 6 defensively, and PL 5 when unarmed, as there are numerous instances of him having to duck behind cover (the series is often rather realistic with weapons-use, and even a few thugs with guns are very dangerous- however, like in real life, bullet wounds are rarely instantly fatal... unless you're a Mook), as well as the time some Yakuza gangsters effortlessly beat the crap out of him (he's STILL good at martial arts, having learned Krav Maga- not Karate, "the Dane Cook of martial arts"). He's STILL a bad-ass in combat, but wouldn't be a match for someone like the PL 10 Daredevil or Elektra- this series operates under slightly more realistic rules. Archer IS quite tough, though- often taking an unholy amount of damage and surviving (being shot by his mother, attacked by wild animals, etc.). He'd probably get Attractive (he IS supposed to be handsome, with black hair and beautiful blue eyes), but he's so obtuse that he can turn off any half-decent person.



.....why was he dressed like Hitler?




You know it was actually your builds before that got me to sit down and watch Archer and I've never really thanked you for that. I fell in love with the show immediately. Love it love it love love it.

It's also kinda scary in a way because my wife seems to think my personality is like Archer's and....she's not wrong.

It also helps that her name is 'Lana' (though pronounced like banana) and due to the show when I get frustrated with her I'll call her Lana (Lah-Nuh).

That airboat scene in Pipeline Fever where Archer runs the engine to the red and blows it? That's us.


To


A


Friggin'



T.
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HalloweenJack
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Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by HalloweenJack »

also.....my mom kinda looks like Jessica Walter so...there's that.
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HalloweenJack
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Re: Pam

Post by HalloweenJack »

Jabroniville wrote:Image


-And also... not gonna lie- I totally would.

me too buddy. me too.
Jabroniville
Posts: 24793
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Jabroniville »

Haha no probz HJ- part of why I do this is to advertise stuff to the world. From what I hear, Archer just got renewed for three more seasons, despite losing a lot of viewers over the Archer Vice season. Which means they actually have to write their way out of killing Sterling at the sultry hands of Ms. Dean.
me too, buddy. Me too
She's so good that ARCHER, who's been with "The Pele of Anal", couldn't resist her, despite her odious personality.
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Batgirl III
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Location: Portland, Oregon

Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Batgirl III »

Didn't you think part of the humor behind Barry was that the character was actually trying to be funny, but was so obviously bad at it? An intentional invocation of being unfunny actually being funny?

That was confusing wasn't it, Batgirl?

Yes it was Other Batgirl. Yes it was.
BARON wrote:I'm talking batgirl with batgirl. I love you internet.
Jabroniville
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Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 pm

Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Jabroniville »

Batgirl III wrote:Didn't you think part of the humor behind Barry was that the character was actually trying to be funny, but was so obviously bad at it? An intentional invocation of being unfunny actually being funny?

That was confusing wasn't it, Batgirl?

Yes it was Other Batgirl. Yes it was.
I didn't pick up on that. "Deliberately bad jokes" are a difficult thing to get right on comedy- too often they're just unfunny (KEN). One of the best examples of it done right was in The Office, where Michael just BRUTALIZES some legendary comedy bits, largely through bad timing (tugging at his collar repeatedly and with a flourish after each missed punchline- "Take my wife- PLEASE!" *tug tug*). It was legitimately cringe-inducing- even the actors in the commentary were mortified by the act.
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M4C8
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Re: Burt Freakin' Reynolds

Post by M4C8 »

Jabroniville wrote:Image

Burt: "That’s not your car, is it?" 
Archer: "Yeah- why?" 
Burt: "Nothing. I just didn’t know they sold those to men."


BURT REYNOLDS
Played by:
Burt Reynolds

Role: The Ultimate Male, Celebrity Cameo, Smug Awesome Guy
Group Affiliations: The Screen Actors' Guild
PL 8 (106)
STRENGTH
3 STAMINA 4 AGILITY 4
FIGHTING 10 DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 2 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 5

Skills:
Athletics 5 (+8)
Close Combat (Unarmed) 2 (+12)
Deception 2 (+7, +12 Attractive)
Expertise (Actor) 8 (+13)
Expertise (Pop Culture) 5 (+7)
Insight 5 (+8)
Intimidation 2 (+7)
Perception 2 (+5)
Persuasion 5 (+15 Attractive)
Vehicles 10 (+16)

Advantages:
Attractive 2, Benefit 1 (Fame), Chokehold, Fast Grab, Grab Finesse, Improved Aim, Improved Critical (Unarmed) 2, Improved Hold, Improved Trip, Luck, Ranged Attack 4, Ultimate Driving Skill

Offense:
Unarmed +12 (+3 Damage, DC 18)
Initiative +4

Defenses:
Dodge +10 (DC 20), Parry +10 (DC 20), Toughness +4, Fortitude +6, Will +9

Complications:
Relationship (Malory Archer)- Burt has hooked up with Malory, though he apparently tries to keep it on the “Down-Low”.
 Apparently they split up, because she turned up married eventually.
Responsibility (The Greatest Man in the Universe)- It can be difficult being so awesome, but Burt wouldn’t let you know it.
Rivalry (Sterling Archer)- Malory’s son is disgusted by the idea of his man-crush putting the bone to his mother, and tries to force them to break up.

Total: Abilities: 74 / Skills: 46--23 / Advantages: 17 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 12 (106)

-The Burt Reynolds episode was one of the best episodes of Archer- Burt plays himself as basically the supremely most suave, confident, awesome man in history, who starts off proving himself as better than Archer at everything (“I almost hit you!” “heh-heh-heh-heh... no you didn’t.”), hooking up with his MOM (sending Archer, who worships Burt, into a downward spiral mentally and emotionally). Archer tries to split them up by kidnapping Burt and sending a false message to Malory, but soon has to rescue everyone from gangsters, disgusting Burt with his wussy car and driving. Forcing Archer to let him take the wheel, he proves to be EVEN BETTER than any stunt driver, rolling the car up onto the wheels of one side to get down a narrow alleyway and getting halfway across the city in an impossible amount of time.

-Burt is basically every Archer character, plus a bunch. He’s so elite that he EASILY dropped Archer in a painful armbar when Sterling tried to deck him, he’s a God amongst drivers, and he’s both attractive enough to earn the status of Archer’s man-crush AND draw the eye of every female (and one male) in the office. He’s basically all of James Bond’s skill in the body of a sly, calm actor. I have no idea how good a shot he is, but I’m assuming he’d be great at it, because he’s BURT FREAKING REYNOLDS!!
Please tell me they had fake outtakes at the end of the episode :)
Last edited by M4C8 on Tue Nov 29, 2016 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
'A shared universe, like any fictional construct, hinges on suspension of disbelief. When continuity is tossed away, it tatters the construct. Undermines it'
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Doctor Malsyn
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Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Doctor Malsyn »

Archer is such a great show, I really should sit down to watch it in full sometime.
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Jabroniville
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Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by Jabroniville »

I'd like remiss I'd I didn't mention Anthony Bourdain's hilarious turn as an arrogant, elitists, angry chef:

"FOOD? We're not making FOOD here! We're CREATING CUISINE!! 'Food' is what a DOG eats! Or a tourist!!"
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HalloweenJack
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Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by HalloweenJack »

Jabroniville wrote:Hm, doing the list for the "Marvel Index: The Letter S" set has made me consider and reconsider some things.

I didn't want to just spam out all my old builds on here, because that kind of ruins the fun of people commenting about characters, and going back & forth on stuff. Nobody's gonna comment on a build that's buried in the middle of 40 other builds. Part of my "Index" set was meant to not only get all the builds on one thread (that'll take a bit longer now :)), but to also re-post some older stuff with some new insights or changes, and perhaps get people talking about the characters again. And since I felt it neat to get all the guys for each letter in at once, I had a bunch of disparate names.

HOWEVER... I'm noticing that a large chunk of names (especially in "S") are coming from the X-Men's Students and the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. And there's a LOT of those left with the upcoming builds, too. And since those are 99% filler characters, I figure I'll break the "No Spamming" rule for these two groups, and post them up mostly at once- I don't feel like putting Solar Wind, SeGa, Silicon, Stuff, Sprite II, Specter, Scintilla, Smasher, Starbolt & Slick all in one set as "fake updates" when I'm not gonna do a lick of work on them, and that goes for the large number of guys under "M" as well. So tomorrow, I'll probably just spam out the Imperial Guard to have them in one place and not taking up so many spots in these "Index" sets.

Though as the Guard was posted in 2012, it's actually been more than FOUR YEARS since I statted them up. Which sounds... kind of weird, really. I had no idea it was that long.

Similarly, we have some guys under other settings that I kind of want to post all at once, rather than splitting up for the "Index" series. Marvel's Gods, for example- that would be fun to revisit. And I posted Alpha Flight's builds in *2011*- it's a solid time to look into that one once more.

So right now, the "Posting Order" is gonna be:
* Archer Builds (finishing these up tomorrow)
* The Shi'ar Imperial Guard (like 30 guys in one day :))
* Marvel- The Letter "S" (about 25 days' worth of guys, give or take a couple)
* Alpha Flight
* The Derangers & Omega Flight (some Alpha Flight foes)
* The Hulk- Friends & Foes (I've had this one on the docket for like TWO YEARS- it's time to finally get to it. I think Skaar & Hiro are the biggest characters from Marvel that I've never statted)
* The Young X-Men/X-Students (spamming out in one day, probably)

After that, I'll have to come up with something. I might switch up some of the order, too, depending on what I feel like doing. We'll see :).

In other words, this thread will be busy for quite some time. Hell, if I devoted myself to JUST re-posting, I'd be busy as hell for months. But I still wanna post up the rest of the "Letters of the Marvel Alphabet" and a handful of bigger names.

you forgot Terrordrome: Rise of the Boogeymen


just sayin' :D
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HalloweenJack
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Re: Jab's Builds! (Hsien-Ko! Anakaris! Jedah! Archer Builds!)

Post by HalloweenJack »

Doctor Malsyn wrote:Archer is such a great show, I really should sit down to watch it in full sometime.

it's pretty bingeworthy
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