Jab’s Builds! (Whomp 'Em! Plumbers Don't Wear Ties! ToeJam & Earl!)

[greycrusader]

Mark Millar's run on Fantastic Four would have been quite solid...if he had simply invented his own original characters in a brand new comic book universe. But introducing a distaff Reed counterpart who ALSO did absolutely nothing to change the world with her scientific genius and who was married to an uber-wealthy businessman who was essentially High Evolutionary-lite just resulted in two unnecessary characters to be ignored by later writers. The main menace was a souped-up Sentinel ("C.A.P") who could beat every superhero on Earth because it was "programmed to be unbeatable"-uh, yeah, all right then. We also got even more character assassination of Victor Von Doom, with the Lord of Latveria bowing down to the personality-free Marquis of Death and acknowledging the forgettable cosmic villain as "master" and suddenly expressing hidden love for Susan Richards. The worst part of all this is Jonathon Hickman felt compelled to revisit the story lines in his run on the book, when it promisingly started out fresh, with the Millar issues ignored.

In other news, Marvel editorial apparently cannot STOP pushing the Inhumans, no matter how many times readers don't accept them as the "new" X-Men/Marvel Mutants...and the latest cross-over further ruins Cyclops place in the MU while wiping out Emma Frost's character development and rare role as Heroic But Unpleasant Mean Girl Teammate, just making her the Evil Bitch again.

Leaving me to mutter a wistful but muted...

All my best.

[Jabroniville]

Emma seemed more dishonest and manipulative in "Inhumans vs. X-Men" to me, and Cyke's death seems like a way to wipe the slate clean with his recent history, which has gotten a bit... questionable... of late. Marvel's obviously shifting X-stuff with the upcoming two books (ie. "Sorta Claremont/Byrne Team" and "the Original X-Men Are STILL HERE??"). Me, I'm kinda using the new books as a combination "Jump-Off Point"/Trade-Waiting thing, as I've been collecting WAY too much stuff recently, and it was resulting in me spending too much, and never re-reading older stuff.

[Shock]

"the Original X-Men Are STILL HERE??"

At this point, I think it's Marvel taking advantage of the opportunity to reboot the characters without actually rebooting the characters. It's original, if nothing else.

[Jabroniville]

Just pure, undiluted Giant Jobber.

THE ARMADILLO (Antonio Rodriguez)
Created By: Mark Gruenwald & Paul Neary
First Appearance: Captain America #308 (Aug. 1985)
Role: Jobber Villain, Hard-Luck Character, Failed Face-Turn Guy
Group Affiliations: The Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation, The Rangers
PL 9 (95)
STRENGTH 10 STAMINA 8 AGILITY 1
FIGHTING 6 DEXTERITY 0
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS -1 PRESENCE -1

Skills: 
Deception 2 (+1)
Expertise (Criminal) 2 (+2)
Intimidation 6 (+7 Size)

Advantages:
All-Out Attack, Close Combat, Fast Grab, Improved Critical (Claws), Improved Grab, Improved Hold, Power Attack

Powers:
"Armadillo Mutations"
"Natural Size" Growth 3 (Str & Sta +3, +3 Mass, +1 Intimidation, -1 Dodge/Parry, -3 Stealth) -- (10 feet) (Feats: Innate) (Extras: Permanent +0) [7]
Burrowing 7 (8 mph) [7]

"Huge Claws" Strength-Damage +1 (Extras: Penetrating 8) [9]
"Armadillo Shell" Protection 4 (Extras: Impervious 9) [13]
"Roll Into Ball" Protection 3 (Extras: Impervious 4) (Flaws: Immobile -2) (Activation -1) [4]

Offense:
Unarmed +7 (+10 Damage, DC 25)
Claws +7 (+11 Damage, DC 26)
Initiative +1

Defenses:
Dodge +5 (DC 15), Parry +6 (DC 16), Toughness +12 (+5 Impervious, +15 Ball Shape, +7 Impervious), Fortitude +8, Will +2

Complications: 
Motivation (Money)- Antonio is obsessed with money. It's not simple greed, though -- he needs it for an operation that can reverse his mutation. See, he had himself altered to make money for his wife's operation. Problem was, since he was now a monster, she dumped him when she recovered.
Reputation (Failure)- Antonio's tried to go straight, and often

Total: Abilities: 34 / Skills: 10--5 / Advantages: 7 / Powers: 40 / Defenses: 9 (95)

-The Armadillo has gone from a random gag-character by Mark Gruenwald ("just a silly monster I wanted to throw in as kind of a joke on the old Marvel armadillo thing in the letters page") into becoming one of Marvel's most-iconic "Silly Background Bad Guys". A veritable one-man Wrecking Crew, if you will. He was given powers by The Power Broker (Karl Malus), but not the Roided-Up Physiques usually seen in the Captain America book- in order to pay for his wife's complicated medical operation, Antonio Rodriguez had himself turned into a humanoid ARMADILLO, robbing banks that way. In a classic "Shaggy Dog Story", this reasonably sympathetic backstory resulted in him being dumped once his girlfriend was cured... since of course he was a humanoid armadillo.

-Lacking the money to reverse the operation (and heroes apparently being unwilling to foot the bill themselves), The Armadillo went on to the Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation (this being the WWF's 1980s prime), attempted suicide after catching his estranged wife with another man (he survived jumping off the Empire State Building), and then going on to be just "one of those guys", constantly seen in background shots with other super-villains, such as scenes in The Vault. Eventually, writers picked up on him being the type of baddie who didn't want to be bad, and so he'd refuse participation in prison riots or break-outs. However, he ended up on the streets, making no money in the fighting game. After this, he turns back to crime, as part of the army of villains making up background scenes involving the New Warriors, The Hood's villain army, The Initiative (he joined The Rangers briefly- their sole ex-villain member. They later fired him for unspecified reasons), and more- his distinctive appearance making him ideal for such things.

-He later appeared in MODOK's 11, one of the few villains to not betray the bad guy, and in The Scarlet Spider, being reunited with his new girlfriend by Kaine. Despite doing the occasional "Face Turn" and being talked out of super-villainy, he generally always pops back up as a bad guy, often in a background role- Bendis is bad for trotting him out as a generic Background Baddie, showing up most recently in Guardians of the Galaxy, fighting Groot in an issue set around a poem.

-Pretty dangerous in a fight at times, Armadillo's only PL 9 as a Brick/Powerhouse, being pretty good as a henchman or solo threat to a single hero. He's not high on Skills or Advantages, so don't expect a well-rounded attack, just a big, tough grappler who's semi-hard to hurt. He can make a Ball Shape that's REALLY tough to hurt, but it leaves him an easy target (moreso than he usually is, anyways). He's got Thing/Colossus-like durability, but lower hitting power.

[Jabroniville]

Meanwhile, the reactions to the now infamous "Emma Watson Belle doll" at Disney stores are greatly amusing. "It looks like Justin Beiber in a wig!" the detractors cry.

Well... I'm sorry to point this out to the Potterites out there... but Emma Watson kind of, in fact, looks like that. Both she & Beiber feature very androgynous, long-faced, pointy-chinned faces. A doll version (and to be fair, it's not exactly a perfect likeness- Emma is quite pretty- the doll has "fivehead"- look it up) is kinda gonna look like that.

[Jabroniville]

ARMADA (David Breyer)
Created By: Chris Marrinan
First Appearance: Nova #11 (Nov. 1994)
Role: Jobber Villain
PL 7 (101)
STRENGTH 2/6 STAMINA 2 AGILITY 3
FIGHTING 5 DEXTERITY 4
INTELLIGENCE 5 AWARENESS 1 PRESENCE 1

Skills:
Expertise (Criminal) 1 (+6)
Insight 2 (+3)
Perception 2 (+3)
Technology 5 (+10)

Advantages: 
Inventor, Ranged Attack 2

Powers:
"Armada Powersuit" (Flaws: Removable) [39]
Enhanced Strength 4 (8)
Protection 6 (6)
Energy Blast 8 (16)

"Stored Robots" Summon 2 (Extras: Active, 4 Minions +4, Variable- Any Robot Type) (16)
(Sample Robots: Shirley- Picks Locks, Tricia- Electrical Shock, Stephanie- Anaesthetic Injection, Penelope- Lift & Carry Objects, Diane- Energy Beams, Elizabeth- Energy Beams
-- (48 points)

Offense:
Unarmed +5 (+2 Damage, DC 17)
Powersuit Boost +5 (+6 Damage, DC 21)
Blast +6 (+8 Ranged Damage, DC 23)
Initiative +3

Defenses:
Dodge +6 (DC 16), Parry +6 (DC 16), Toughness +2 (+8 Suit), Fortitude +3, Will +4

Complications:
Motivation (Greed)- Armada is a mercenary.

Total: Abilities: 46 / Skills: 10--5 / Advantages: 3 / Powers: 39 / Defenses: 8 (101)

-Armada is a Jobber Villain who first debuted in a forgotten Nova mid '90s series, and later showed up to vex Spider-Man once. His schtick is that he's in a low-level powersuit, but he uses Robot Minions (all with female names) to commit crimes as a mercenary. He was hired by Mysterio to find a computer chip in his first appearance, then allied with the same villain the next go-around. His last appearance was at Stilt-Man's funeral, where he was one of many super-villains poisoned by the Punisher, and attacked with a bomb.

-Armada isn't very powerful, but he at least has a good set of Robotic Minions, each of which has their own power. They sit inside his armor, making him sort of a Summoner. The robots are itty-bitty and I don't feel like statting them up, but they're unlikely to cost more than 30 points, being pretty small and one-note.

[Jabroniville]

ARMORY (Violet Lightner)
Created By: Dan Slott & Stefano Caselli
First Appearance: Avengers: The Initiative #1 (April 2007)
Role: The Wash-Out
Group Affiliations: None (Doesn't make it past basic)
PL 12 (107)
STRENGTH 0 STAMINA 1 AGILITY 1
FIGHTING 3 DEXTERITY 0
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS 0 PRESENCE 0

Skills:
Deception 4 (+5)
Perception 2 (+2)
Expertise (Soldier) 2 (+2)

Advantages: 
Ranged Attack 4

Powers:
"The Tactigon- Multi-Purpose Weapon"
Variable Power 10 [70]
(Common Powers: Blast 16/Penetrating, Line Damage 12, Snare 14; Swinging 2; Damage 12- Reach 4 & Penetrating, Force Field 7- Impervious)
"Sense Weakness" Senses 4 (Detect Powers, Ranged, Acute, Analytical) [4]

Offense:
Unarmed +3 (+0 Damage, DC 15)
Tactigon Strike +3 (+12 Damage, DC 27)
Tactigon Blast +4 (+16 Ranged Damage, DC 31)
Tactigon Stream +12 Area (+12 Damage, DC 27)
Initiative +1

Defenses:
Dodge +3 (DC 13), Parry +3 (DC 13), Toughness +1 (+8 Force Field), Fortitude +1, Will +1

Complications:
Phobia (Spiders)- When Trauma figures this out using his "Mimic Their Deepest Fear" Power, it... doesn't end well.
Secret (Was Suicidal)

Total: Abilities: 10 / Skills: 32--16 / Advantages: 4 / Powers: 74 / Defenses: 3 (107)

-Armory is barely even a character, so much as a writer's tool (heh heh, "tool"). She shows up as a somewhat dark-minded girl in the first Initiative story, freaks out when Trauma uses his power to turn into a gigantic spider (well, who wouldn't?), and her power goes Ape-Poop, resulting in one dead member of the team (M.V.P.), and a harsh early lesson in the book that nothing comes easy, and things aren't gonna be rosy for these new recruits (who are told by Gyrich that "this never happened"). She's found to be incapable of becoming a superhero, gets forcibly depowered (ie. they sever the thing from her arm via surgery), and booted out of The Initiative, with everyone forced to say nothing. She pops up a bit later, denying any events to a shrink, who confides to Gyrich that the girl isn't a tattletale and they can trust her. 

-Armory's pretty scary for a nobody character who never went anywhere, entirely thanks to The Tactigon (which has a huge trade-off, since she's so inaccurate), which is ridiculously powerful (enough so that she was able to take out Ultimo in basically one hit). It basically turns into "Whatever I need at any given time", which is almost like Nemesis Kid's "Whatever I Need" power, but is just Variable Power since all she or K.I.A. ever did with it was blow stuff up most of the time. 

[Jabroniville]

ALCHEMY (Thomas "Jellybean" Jones)
Created By: Paul Bestow
First Appearance: X-Factor #41 (June 1989)
Role: Forgotten Character
PL 11 (174)
STRENGTH 1 STAMINA 2 AGILITY 2
FIGHTING 7 DEXTERITY 2
INTELLIGENCE 0 AWARENESS 1 PRESENCE 1

Skills:
Deception 3 (+4)
Expertise (Science) 7 (+7)

Advantages: 
Improved Critical (Transformation) 2

Powers:
"Golden Statues" Affliction 15 (Fort; Dazed & Impaired/Stunned & Disabled/Transformed to Statue & Unaware) (Feats: Reversible) (Extras: Extra Condition, Continuous +3) [76]
Transform 10 (Anything to Anything Else) [50]

Offense:
Unarmed +7 (+1 Damage, DC 16)
Statue Change +7 (+15 Affliction, DC 25)
Initiative +4

Defenses:
Dodge +7 (DC 17), Parry +7 (DC 17), Toughness +2, Fortitude +4, Will +3

Complications:
Enemy (The Troll Associates)- These Trolls tried to use Alchemy for their own ends on two separate occasions.
Relationship (Mother)- The Trolls once kidnapped her to force him to do their bidding.
Power Loss (Transformations)- Alchemy couldn't reverse his effects or turn things into stuff besides gold until he gained some scientific knowledge. It is posibble that there are limits to his transformations should the chemical make-up be too complex or unknown to him.

Total: Abilities: 32 / Skills: 10--5 / Advantages: 2 / Powers: 126 / Defenses: 9 (174)

-Alchemy was created by a British comic book fan as part of a contest to make the best fan-created character. What the frick kind of a contest puts the winning character in X-FACTOR?!? That was the lowest-tier X-book at the time! He was a kid who gained the mutant power to transmute objects into gold, at which point he was asked by a group of Trolls (monsters, not internet geeks) to help sink the British economy by devaluing gold. He turned two trolls into gold instead, and years later got forced by the trolls into fighting Excalibur & the X-Men. In an absolutely bizarre turn of events, he was used in Inhumans (vs) X-Men in a brilliant manner; as one of the handful of remaining Mutants after M-Day/Sentinels/Nimrods/Necrosha/etc., he was used by the renegade mutants to destroy one of the two Terrigen Clouds encircling the planet. With his powers to turn stuff to other stuff, he permanently transmuted the Cloud into nothing, but gave his life in the process- the supercharged dose of Terrigen poisoned his mutant cells, killing him nearly instantly.

-He's actually remarkably-powerful, being able to one-shot guys like Captain Britain with his "Golden Statues" power, and he can generally turn anything into anything else, having received some chemistry training. I don't imagine him putting up much of a defensive fight, but his effects are at a high enough level that it's really tough to make a good save against them.

[Jabroniville]

Does anything say "1970s" as much as Space Jesus?

WUNDARR THE AQUARIAN
Created By: Steve Gerber & Val Mayerik (Wundarr), Mark Gruenwald & Ralph Macchio (Aquarian)
First Appearance: Fear #17 (Oct. 1973- as Wundarr), Marvel Two-in-One #58 (Dec. 1979- as Aquarian)
Role: Alien Hippy
PL 11 (302)
STRENGTH 6 STAMINA 6 AGILITY 3
FIGHTING 6 DEXTERITY 2
INTELLIGENCE 8 AWARENESS 3 PRESENCE 2

Skills:
Expertise (Current Events) 4 (+12)
Insight 4 (+7)
Investigation 4 (+7)
Perception 5 (+8)
Persuasion 5 (+7)

Advantages: 
Ranged Attack 2

Powers:
"Nullification Field" All Powers Linked
Nullify Energy Powers 14 (Extras: Broad, Simultaneous, Area- 500ft. Burst +5, Concentration) (Flaws: Touch Range) [112]
Force Field 10 (Extras: Affects Others, Area- 500ft. Burst +5) [70]
"Nullify Gravity" Flight 1 (4 mph) [2]

"Knowledge of Anything & Everything"
Enhanced Advantages 1: Well-Informed (Extras: Affects Others) [2]
Features 1: May Ask the GM a Direct Question by Spending an HP (Extras: Affects Others) [2]

Offense:
Unarmed +6 (+6 Damage, DC 21)
Initiative +3

Defenses:
Dodge +6 (DC 16), Parry +6 (DC 16), Toughness +6 (+16 Force Field), Fortitude +8, Will +8

Complications:
Motivation (Peace, Love & Understanding)- Like, Wundarr is all about peace and universal harmony, man.

Total: Abilities: 92 / Skills: 22--11 / Advantages: 2 / Powers: 202 / Defenses: 10 (302)

-Y'know, for a company that prides itself on originality, Marvel sure has a lot of Superman knock-offs. This guy showed up in the Man-Thing's book as a grown man who'd been raised in a life-pod because his potential adopted parents ignored him (he'd been sent from a planet called "Dakkam" that was thought to be exploding... except the scientist was wrong and it wasn't). It's all a little too tongue-in-cheek and "HO HO LOOK AT WHAT WE DID WITH THE SUPERMAN MYTHOS HEE HEE!" for me, really. Curiously, the only thing I really remember about this guy was when he went through the rounds on the old BattleBoard forum "SuperHeroShowDown" at WizardWorld.com, back when I still cared about such things. Certain characters would come out of nowhere and become SUPER popular, going through many different potential "VS" battles (Pre-Crisis Superman with some one-shot Sword he used was popular), before people would eventually forget about them. And for some reason, this guy would show up frequently for a couple of weeks.

-Springing from the naturally-deranged mind of Steve Gerber, Wundarr was a bit of a play on the Hippy Movement, which was still in play in the early 1970s, before shifting to the more hedonistic "Disco Era". A long-haired bearded type straight out of Hair, he thinks the first being he sees is his mother... however, the Man-Thing is not quite a good maternal figure, and so he runs off to do some random nonsense. He reappears in Marvel Two-In-One, fighting The Thing before the two come to an understanding. He becomes one of many beings hanging around Project Pegasus (a pretty boring place Marvel nonetheless chose as the setting for "Whatever Super-Science Thing Needs To Happen This Week"), and absorbed the energies of a Cosmic Cube by the evil American Government, which gave him even more than his natural intelligence, turning him into "The Aquarian".

-With his new powers, Wundarr started wandering the Earth, trying to bring peace and enlightenment as a mentor-figure to others. Naturally, this led to him falling off the face of comics for years, as he not only comes off as silly, but hopelessly dated. Particularly since they won't even change his look. We later find another Dakkamite, the villainous Quantum, as of course Mark Gruenwald's Quasar encounters both obscure characters. However, his last real appearance was during the Initiative/Secret Invasion stretch, where he pops up on one of the random Initiative squads alongside Jennifer Kale & Siege. He was temporarily placed in a cocoon to stave off an infection from the Marvel Zombies universe, but eventually recovered.

-Wundarr's powers used to be that of a pretty strong guy who could convert Kinetic Energy into Strength (basically a Sebastian Shaw thing), Leaping or Energy Projection. Eventually, he was exposed to a Cosmic Cube, and it gave him a super-nullification field that basically renders him nigh-immune to harm, and allows him to casually Nullify various abilities (Quasar once fell after his Quantum Bands shut down in proximity to the guy). The field is generally five feet wide, but can be enhanced to five-hundred feet with Concentration. This makes him very pricey, but he's not the best overall fighter.

[Jabroniville]

Man, some of these builds, and commentaries, are positively ANCIENT. Wundarr and Alchemy go back more than five years, such was my backlog even on RA. Both neede extra updates to more modern events (I didn't even make the connection between Alchemy and that old build of mine until I was fact-checking Wikipedia). Armadillo, one of my favourite Background Jobbers, also deserved a bit more.

[Arkrite]

It just seems like you could have a lot of fun putting Armadillo and Sandman into a team trying to be heroes... but I know it'd be forgotten in a week and they'd be back to being badguys again.

[Jabroniville]

It just seems like you could have a lot of fun putting Armadillo and Sandman into a team trying to be heroes... but I know it'd be forgotten in a week and they'd be back to being badguys again.

Yeah, I dig those two. Both kind of have these sad, depressing backstories that make them rather sympathetic. They're both very "hard luck", and i appreciate that. There was a nice bit in the otherwise boring James Robinson run of "Fantastic Four" that saw Sandman & The Thing commiserate while Ben was imprisoned. Ben just kinda goes "I heard you went straight. Sorry it didn't take". Later, Ben plots an escape and Sandman just goes "about time" and they bust loose.

[catsi563]

Jab you officialy have a challenge



Go you build monkey you.

[greycrusader]

It just seems like you could have a lot of fun putting Armadillo and Sandman into a team trying to be heroes... but I know it'd be forgotten in a week and they'd be back to being badguys again.

Yeah, I dig those two. Both kind of have these sad, depressing backstories that make them rather sympathetic. They're both very "hard luck", and i appreciate that. There was a nice bit in the otherwise boring James Robinson run of "Fantastic Four" that saw Sandman & The Thing commiserate while Ben was imprisoned. Ben just kinda goes "I heard you went straight. Sorry it didn't take". Later, Ben plots an escape and Sandman just goes "about time" and they bust loose.

Sandman was one of the first "big name" Marvel villains to go straight, long before Venom, Emma Frost, or the Thunderbolts roster; I really appreciated the way he was written, developing a strong friendship with Ben Grimm, and even coming to like and admire Spider-Man (the non-jerkass version of Peter Parker, who actually extended friendship/understanding. It always bothered me none of the Avengers, not even Captain America, ever investigated his turn back to crime,particularly given Sandman was literally subjected to the Wizard's brainwashing machine. I more or less consider Kurt Busiek's "Steeljack" to be the logical denouement (and homage) to William Baker's character arc.

Part of the problem with turning a memorable villain into a good guy though, is fewer creators are willing to come up with worthwhile heroes and villains for the "Big Two", since doing so means relinquishing the rights. This explains a lot of the heel-to-face-to heel turns.

One of the most inadvertently humorous bits of a recent X-Men story involved Rogue and Mimic quelling a super-villain riot; Rogue ends up heading into a cell block asking for help, saying any villains willing to "lend" her their powers will get special consideration at their parole hearings. Armadillo, Equinox, and Man-Bull all volunteer, saying they want to quit the criminal life. But of course, both Armadillo and Bull have reappeared as bad guys, with the latter serving as the Minotaur in the Scarlet Witch's recent series. Because no one cares about these jobbers.

All my best.

[Spectrum]

Which will win out?
A hatred of trying to do blind builds?
OR
A love of all things Disney?

Bets taken now.