Sterling Archer: [shouting] Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin' face!
(Krenmensky is holding Malory- Archer's mother- hostage at gunpoint. Archer then grabs Lana- who is on HIS side- and holds HER hostage)
Sterling Archer: Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff, Kremensky.
Krenshaw: How is this a Mexican standoff?
Agent Lana Kane: Dumbass.
Krenshaw: I don't care if you shoot her.
Cyril Figgis: *I* do!
Krenshaw: But what if I shoot HER, mama's boy?
Malory Archer: Sterling.
Krenshaw: Yes, picture her dead in the gutter...
Malory Archer: Sterling!
Krenshaw: ...and what your pathetic life will be like without old mommy dearest.
Agent Lana Kane: Jesus CHRIST!
Malory Archer: What?
Cyril Figgis: What is it?
Agent Lana Kane: HE'S GOT an ERECTION!
Malory Archer: WHAT?
Krenshaw: What the hell is WRONG with you people?
[pushes Malory away, and gets shot]
Sterling Archer: Nothing. You on the other hand-
[Malory hits him with her purse]
Sterling Archer: ow! OW!
Malory Archer: An ERECTION?
Sterling Archer: HEY! What's in there - Buckles?
Malory Archer: The thought of me dead give you an ERECTION?
Sterling Archer: No, just half of one. The other half would have really missed you. I mean, not... ugh.
[Malory sighs]
ARCHER (Sterling Malory Archer, aka "Duchess")
Played by: H. Jon Benjamin
Role: Secret Agent, Man-Whore, Hedonistic Asshole
Group Affiliations: ISIS
PL 8 (106)
STRENGTH 2
STAMINA 4
AGILITY 5
FIGHTING 8
DEXTERITY 6
INTELLIGENCE 0
AWARENESS 0
PRESENCE 2
Skills:
Athletics 6 (+8)
Deception 4 (+6)
Expertise (Secret Agent) 10 (+10)
Expertise (Pop Culture) 5 (+5)
Insight 2 (+2)
Intimidation 2 (+4)
Investigation 6 (+6)
Perception 6 (+6)
Persuasion 1 (+3)
Stealth 2 (+7)
Technology 3 (+3)
Vehicles 1 (+7)
Advantages:
Benefit 2 (Secret Agent Clearance), Chokehold, Equipment 3 (Spy Gear), Fast Grab, Grab Finesse, Improved Aim, Improved Critical 2 (Unarmed, Guns), Improved Trip, Luck, Quick Draw, Ranged Attack 4
Equipment:
"Pistol" Blast 5 (10)
Assorted Gear (Varies By Mission) (5)
Offense:
Unarmed +8 (+2 Damage, DC 17)
Pistol +10 (+5 Ranged Damage, DC 20)
Initiative +5
Defenses:
Dodge +8 (DC 18), Parry +8 (DC 18), Toughness +4, Fortitude +6, Will +5
Complications:
Addiction (Poon)- Archer pretty much hits on every girl he sees, without fail. He chases after hookers (or "Call Girls" as he calls them. Unless they're dead, and then they're just "hookers" again), clients, co-workers, and more. He only draws the line at under-age girls ("but seriously- call me the MINUTE you turn eighteen").
Addiction (Alcohol)- Archer is almost constantly-drunk when he's at home, at any place with a bar, or when he's stressed-out- even when he's supposed to be on an important mission!
Addiction (Pam)- Archer bangs Pam while drunk one night, and proclaims it to be the "best sex I've EVER had!" without realising it's her. Because Pam is overweight and a loser, he tries to keep it on the "down-low", but can't withhold his desire for sweet, sweaty, ball-slapping intercourse.
---
Relationship (Mother)- Sterling chafes under the watchful eye of his vicious, distant, domineering mother (and boss) Malory. She was not present during most of his childhood, sending him to boarding schoosl and changing her address without telling him (and when she WAS there, it was to give him harsh life lessons that involved stealing his birthday presents). While he makes fun of her more than anyone else in the office, and openly disrespects her (and disobeys orders), he is disgusted at the thought of her having sex with anyone, and mentions of her whoring around will drive him to vomit and/or pass out (he was mortified both when he had to touch her giant vibrator to turn it off, and agin when he realized that THERE WAS NO SINK IN THAT ROOM). He once got an erection at the thought of her being killed, and his been known to shout her name during sex. There is only the MEREST glimmer here and there that he actually cares for his mother as a person.
Relationship (Lana Kane)- The two were lovers for years, but Archer's constant whoring drove a wedge between them. They are still attracted to each other, but disgust each other with various traits, and argue constantly. The sexual tension is ridiculously clear to everyone around them, though Archer exaggerates it, assuming that Lana is still "in the Danger Zone".
Relationship (Burt Reynolds)- Archer has a severe man-crush on Burt Reynolds. This is tested when he starts banging Archer's mother.
Relationship (Katya Kasanova)- The sexy Russian superspy & Archer fell in love quickly, and when Barry killed her, he went into a downward spiral (involving whores and becoming a Pirate King). When she returned as a cyborg and then hooked up with Barry, Archer was despondent.
Rivalry (Cyril Figgis)- Archer despises the wussy accountant who hooked up with Lana after he did. He frequently plays cruel pranks on Cyril, and physically abuses him frequently.
Enemy (Barry Dylan)- Barry has been injured many times as a result of Archer's dickishness, and it only got worse when Archer sodomized Barry's fiancee. As a result, Barry has grown into a sociopath obsessed with hurting Archer.
---
Responsibility (Animal Lover)- Despite caring VERY little for the injuries of anyone else around him (particularly crippled Ray), Archer is horrified whenever animals are hurt. He obsesses over Cheryl's pet Ocelot Baboo, and was so morfified at a villain killing a captive Tiger that he almost refused to have sex with Lana over it (she wasn't offering, but he THOUGHT she was).
Responsibility (Possible Sociopath)- Archer seems vaguely aware of how his attitude affects other people, but just doesn't seem to care. He expects everyone to do all of his work for him, and treats everyone like garbage (ESPECIALLY Woodhouse, his manservant, despite the man having raised Sterling).
Responsibility (Ego)- Archer is convinced of his own awesomeness, which often leads him into traps.
Responsibility (Father Figure)- Archer does not know who his father is (there are a few possible suspects thanks to his mom...), and often obsesses over it. When one of the possibilities was killed because of Archer's alcoholism & sex obsession, he felt horrible.
Responsibility (Voicemail Pranks)- Archer ALWAYS has a prank voicemail, often pretending to have a conversation with the caller, only to reveal (after a long pause) that this is just the request to leave a message. This annoys the crap out of everyone he knows, but he loves it.
---
Disabled (Tinnitus)- Archer has an ear disorder caused by numerous instances of being next to small arms fire and grenades going off. He nearly always hears a ringing (often mistaking it for his phone going off), and needs a special device to help him sleep.
Phobia (Crocodiles)- Archer fears them ever since a mysterious (possibly father) figure gave him a surprise birthday party with a stuffed crocodile.
Total: Abilities: 54 / Skills: 48--24 / Advantages: 18 / Powers: 0 / Defenses: 10 (106)
-Archer (codenamed "Duchess" after his mother's beloved Afghan Hound- "She REALLY loved that dog.") is the hard-drinking, whoring main character of the show, pretty much a slave to his hedonistic desires and only the most basic attention to his job. Despite this (I mean, he's gotten countless Double Agents killed by calling them while they're undercover just to talk about how hard he partied), he's considered the most dangerous secret agent in the world. Series creator Adam Reed has stated that the goal with Archer was to "make him as dickish as possible, while also keeping him somewhat sympathetic."
-Truth be told, this kind of "Sociopathic Asshole" character archtype has gotten a bit tired over the years, as constant TV shows have ripped it off so they could be more like Peter Griffin. Oftentimes, it seems like they write this way so that the nerdy, picked-on writers can live vicariously through someone who can do whatever they want and not worry about the consequences (shows like
South Park do this right, because Cartman almost ALWAYS suffers in the end). The worst case of this I can think of is
American Dad, where I can't deal with the Roger character, who is not only constantly annoying with that horrible voice, but a giant monster who pretty much NEVER gets his comeuppance in the episodes I've seen. But in Archer's case, I can easily forgive it. Not only does everyone in his life actively despise and insult him, but he's constantly being injured due to his own stupidity, and every OTHER character is also a terrible person.
-H. Jon Benjamin is FANTASTIC in this role. I first discovered him on
Home Movies, playing the similarly-deadpan/jerkassish Coach McGuirk, who spent most of his time giving horrible advice to young children. The scene where he screams at Melissa for offering him useless advice on
curing his insomnia, or the time he got
stuck in his car during Bye Bye Greasy is pants-pissingly hilarious stuff. He's also shown up in
The Venture Brothers,
Bob's Burgers and a few other shows. I LOVE this guy's voice- much like Mike Judge, he knows exactly how to say a line to get maximum hilarity out of it.
-Archer is a PL 7.5 on offense with firearms (if using an Automatic Weapon, a rare occurence, he can hit PL 8), but is only PL 6 defensively, and PL 5 when unarmed, as there are numerous instances of him having to duck behind cover (the series is often rather realistic with weapons-use, and even a few thugs with guns are very dangerous- however, like in real life, bullet wounds are rarely instantly fatal... unless you're a Mook), as well as the time some Yakuza gangsters effortlessly beat the crap out of him (he's STILL good at martial arts, having learned Krav Maga- not Karate, "the Dane Cook of martial arts"). He's STILL a bad-ass in combat, but wouldn't be a match for someone like the PL 10 Daredevil or Elektra- this series operates under slightly more realistic rules. Archer IS quite tough, though- often taking an unholy amount of damage and surviving (being shot by his mother, attacked by wild animals, etc.). He'd probably get Attractive (he IS supposed to be handsome, with black hair and beautiful blue eyes), but he's so obtuse that he can turn off any half-decent person.